Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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