his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
