Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
