Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
