How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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