when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
