I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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