I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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