Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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