question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
