my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
