Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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