The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
