dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
