i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
