sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
