this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
