It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
