Do you still have your period?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
