I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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