i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
