Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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