The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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