it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
