dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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