ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
