Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
