Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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