If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
