You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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