I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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