I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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