I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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