my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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