She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
someone owes me an orgasm
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
