just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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