Someone shit on the floor
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
