peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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