ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
