i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
