I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The uberlube is also flammable
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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