i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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