I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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