I wish I could punch you in the face.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I AM VODKA MAN
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