So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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