he wants to bone in the snuggie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
