Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
