We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
