alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
