also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
