It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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