I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
