you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
