I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
