Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there is puke in my bra ... again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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