This is not my ceiling
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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