I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
