is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
